Just Not Right Now

I have not given the devil
what he wants.
Not yet.

The mantra is small.
Just not right now.
Easier than today.
Today is a room.
Right now is a door
I can still hold.

Addiction is not always
a day.
Sometimes it is a second
negotiated
with the same mind
that wants the thing.

Cold.
No audience.
No cheer.
Only the demons
I came here to meet.

Sleep.
Water.
The quiet.
Sometimes you leave
the people
so you can hear
what you actually said
when you said no.

Thirteen days still.
They will try the body
and the rest of it.
I know.

Addiction is not only
the bottle
or the packet.
It is the attention.
The person
who costs you
to keep.

You can see the pattern
and still stand.
You can name the weakness
without handing it
the name.

Self-awareness is the power.
Discipline is the freedom.

The victory is not
never again.

It is
just not right now.

One second.
Then the next.